Peas on the Plate

Well, it appears to be That Time again: the kids are back at school or heading back this week. When I was a kid, I mostly dreaded waking up early. Now I’m an adult getting ready to marry a teacher and I can confirm: that’s what he dislikes most about going back to school, too. 

I think we all sometimes miss the simplicity of it, though. None of it felt simple at the time, but we can look back on it and say that it was pretty cool that our little elastic brains were being shoved full of languages, experiences, and knowledge that formed us in ways that we can’t really fathom. 

Those of us who went to public school usually don’t cite the cafeteria food as a highlight… until, of course, you bring up school cafeteria pizza. In my school, it was every Friday, alternating between flat squares and French bread pizza. It never dawned on me that this would be a publicly-available recipe, but it makes perfect sense since high school cafeterias have to follow federal nutritional regulations (in our current administration, that just means “the cement you mix into the kids’ food should be higher-end than what you’d use on a sidewalk”). 

I used the recipe from Max Miller at Tasting History, which is an adaptation of the USDA one that our schools used in the 80s and 90s. He scaled it down to only feed a regular number of people instead of 100 hungry schoolkids. One minor hangup: I don’t own a half sheet pan and, since they’re 18”x13”, my oven isn’t large enough for one anyway. I used the same recipe with the same measurements, but packed it into a medium baking sheet, which is roughly 15”x10”. The result was that the crust was a little thicker than I remember, but the flavor was there and it was glorious.

How to Make the Pizza Sauce

All that being said, even my rose-tinted tastebuds have limits. The recipe for the sauce on school cafeteria pizza consists of tomato paste, water, and a bunch of spices, and that’s simply not something I could abide. We age and grow for a reason, and I’d like to think that one of them is so that we don’t have to eat government tomato sauce if we don’t want to.

I adapted this no-cook pizza sauce recipe (gift link) from J. Kenji López-Alt at the New York Times. The way I adapted it makes it the perfect texture and you just need to whisk it together, no need to even use an immersion blender or a food processor. I highly recommend tasting this as you go and adjusting the seasoning balance as necessary. This is what worked for me, but you could always make any changes that make it more to your taste.

Did you have any other favorite cafeteria meals or snacks? As a dedicated disciple of the Cosmic Brownie, I have no qualms about placating my inner child’s palate, and you shouldn’t either.

Continue to Content

School Cafeteria Pizza

Yield: 8 slices

Prep Time: 1 hour

Cook Time: 30 minutes

Total Time: 1 hour 30 minutes

Ah, the days when we spent 5 days a week eating USDA-approved meals! This one was a banger, honestly. Enjoy this homage with a leveled-up sauce and don't forget to finish with a cosmic brownie.

No Ratings

Print

Ingredients

Pizza

Toggle ingredient group

• 2 ½ tsp active dry yeast
• 1 ⅔ C warm water (100°-110°F)
• 2 ½ C all-purpose or bread flour
• ¾ C instant nonfat dry milk
• 2 tbsp sugar
• ¼ tsp salt
• 1 ½ tsp vegetable oil
• 3/4 tbsp vegetable shortening (Crisco) , the best thing I’ve found to grease the pan
• 1 ½ – 2 tbsp cornmeal
• 3.5 C shredded mozzarella cheese , plus pepperoni, cooked sausage or any other toppings desired

Pizza Sauce

Toggle ingredient group

• 1 (14.5 oz) can of crushed tomatoes
• 1 tbsp tomato paste
• 2 medium garlic cloves, minced
• 1½ tbsp extra virgin olive oil
• 1½ tbsp dried Italian seasoning
• ½ tsp granulated sugar, or to taste
• 1 tsp garlic powder
• ½ tsp kosher salt

Instructions

Make the crust:

Preheat the oven to 475°F (245°C). 

1. In a measuring cup or a small bowl, bloom the yeast by stirring it into the warm water until almost dissolved. Let it sit for about 5 minutes or so to become foamy.
2. In the bowl of a stand mixer, whisk together the flour, dry milk, sugar, and salt for two minutes. You will use the whisk attachment for this entire recipe!
3. Once the dry ingredients are blended, add the yeast mixture and the vegetable oil. Mix on medium speed for 10 minutes.
4. While the batter mixes, generously coat a medium baking sheet (make sure it has a lip!) with vegetable shortening, then sprinkle it evenly with the cornmeal. I did this by putting the cornmeal in a small ramekin, hovering above the pan, and tapping out the cornmeal while moving the ramekin back and forth over the pan.
5. Pour the batter onto the prepared baking sheet and spread it evenly across the entire pan with an offset spatula (See tip).
6. Bake for 10-12 minutes. Make sure the crust is satisfactorily par-baked to avoid a soggy, floppy slice. The crust should be set, dry to the touch, but there’s no browning- so pale, but firm. Since this is dough thicker than that of the original recipe, I recommend triple checking, but this timing worked for me.

While the crust parbakes, make the sauce:

1. Combine all ingredients in a bowl and mix thoroughly.
2. If you don’t think there will be enough sauce for your pizza, thin it out with water a half tablespoon at a time, or whisk in a little more tomato paste.

Put on the toppings and bake:

1. Keep the oven at 475°F (245°C)
2. Top the pizza crust with 1.5 C of mozzarella cheese. Make sure you get right up to the edge with every layer.
3. Next, pour the sauce evenly across the pizza and pat gently (see tip). Spreading it is probably fine too, but I didn’t want to chance an uneven dispersal of cheese.
4. Sprinkle the remaining 2 C of cheese on top as well as any other toppings you had in mind.
5. Bake 10-15 mins or until browned and bubbling.

Notes

• Is the dough not spreading correctly? Let it sit for a few minutes and then give it another shot.
• Some suggested toppings: crumbled sausage (pictured), pepperoni, peppers & onions, or even more cheese (provolone and dollops of ricotta never hurt).